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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our early 60s. For the last five years, we have been having some great fun. We dress up, roleplay and invite friends to join us from time to time. It has been wonderful and has kept us young. Then one of our adult children had to move back home. He never goes out. His girlfriend comes and stays the weekends. Needless to say, he has put a damper on our fun. We are down in the dumps come Monday when we go back to work, so we play when we can. We have gone to hotels, but it’s not the same freedom. My husband says our son is an adult and we should do what we would do if he wasn’t home. He can either accept it or move out. Abby, what are your thoughts? -- EMPTY NESTERS NO MORE DEAR EMPTY NESTERS NO MORE: It is your home, and you should be free to do whatever you wish in it. You definitely need to have a conversation with your son and make plain that there are times when you and your husband need “privacy.” If he asks why, tell him the truth. Then suggest that on some weekends, he and his girlfriend stay at her place. ** DEAR ABBY: I was married for 14 years to my son’s father. During that time, he cheated on me and was talking to a lot of other women. When I told my family we were divorcing, one of my siblings got angry with me, telling me I needed to do everything I could to make it work. People I thought would be there for me no longer were. People turned their backs on me, including fellow church members. Some friends stood by me, though. It hurt me so much. What was once a close-knit family was now torn apart. I met a man who lives an hour and a half away from me. He treats me and my son wonderfully. I chose to move to the same town as my boyfriend, but my son didn’t want to leave his sports and friends. He told me it was OK and that he would just stay with his dad. I was torn. But then my siblings started running their mouths about me leaving my son, so I changed my mind and stayed. My boyfriend was OK with it because he loves my son and wants what is best for him. My ex and my siblings constantly hang out and do things. My ex is always invited to gatherings and events, while I never even get a text message asking how things are going for me. It hurts, and I have sunk into a deep depression because of this. Is there something I have done wrong? -- DEPRESSED DIVORCEE IN KENTUCKY DEAR DIVORCEE: You did NOTHING wrong. It’s clear to me that your family has always been more attached to your unfaithful ex than to you. I don’t blame you for feeling hurt and depressed. That said, however, I think you should move to resume your relationship with your boyfriend. In a new town, there will be fewer reminders of this sad chapter of your life, and you can make new friends and build a new life. If your depression lingers, counseling will put you on the right track.
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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Roy,” is a quiet person. His ex-girlfriend put him and his family through something so terrible that he shuts down and pulls away from me a lot. He won’t introduce me to his mother, although I have met his son. We’ve been together almost 18 months. Five months ago, Roy stopped making love with me. I accused him of cheating, but he denied it. He’s just 44 and claims he has lost interest in sex and he doesn’t know why. He claims he’s still in love with me, but at times, I feel unloved by him. He has never treated me badly, but he barely kisses me now and he used to be affectionate. He says he was affectionate before his ex nearly destroyed him and his family’s lives. Roy loves it when I call myself his wife and him my husband, but he acts like he is scared of love. What do you think? LOVES MY TEDDY BEAR MAN DEAR LOVES: I think your boyfriend (not husband) is sorely in need of counseling to resolve his trauma. Your relationship will not progress unless he finds the courage to discuss what happened with his ex with someone who can guide him on a path forward.
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DEAR ABBY: My parents have always been wonderful and supportive. As they grow older, it’s hard to see them deal with the aches and pains that come with age -- especially my mother, who has rheumatoid arthritis. In an effort to ease their burden, I pay for a monthly cleaning service to help them maintain their large home. While I’m happy to support them, I am growing increasingly frustrated. Recently, they’ve been frequenting estate sales and bringing home furniture, dish sets, seasonal decorations and other things they have little space or practical use for. They have two fully decorated accessory dwelling units on their property, yet they continue acquiring more stuff, even though it’s just the two of them. This situation concerns me not only because of the limited space and physical strain, but also because they’re retired and living on a fixed income. I’m beginning to feel stupid paying for a cleaning service while they continue filling their home with things they don’t need, making it harder to keep clean in the first place. How can I bring up my concerns in a way that’s respectful, without sounding controlling or ungrateful? -- FRUSTRATED WITH THEM IN THE SOUTH DEAR FRUSTRATED: It would be interesting to know why your parents do this. Have they turned into hoarders? Is frequenting estate sales a form of entertainment for them? (I know people who do this avidly, and they find treasures, because sometimes heirs don’t realize the value of what they have.)
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…And Then What Happened?
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DEAR ABBY: I have been married 44 years and have always slept in the same bed with my wife.
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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Wade,” and I were expecting our first child and couldn’t wait to tell the news to our family and friends. But my boyfriend can’t keep a secret, and before we told our parents, he told his best friend and his wife. Wade told them to not tell anyone since we still hadn’t reached the 12-week mark.
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