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DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30 years has always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for him. He would flirt with other women and say things to me about an ex-girlfriend he broke up with before marrying his first wife. (I caught him private messaging her.) He has told me four different times that we should separate. The first three times, I cried about it. The last time he said it, I told him never to say that to me again.
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DEAR ABBY: I became engaged to a wonderful man five months ago. We have set a wedding date for next year. I’m ecstatic -- thrilled to be planning such an important milestone in my life. I’m the youngest of five girls. Four of us are extremely close. Three of my sisters have graciously offered to help with the wedding planning and preparation. I have included them in my bridal party -- matron of honor, two bridesmaids, and two of my teenage nieces as junior bridesmaids. There’s one big issue: My parents and two of my sisters insist that I include my oldest sister, “Iris,” in my bridal party even though she has a mental illness (schizophrenia). She is medicated, but still speaks to her “voices.” I love her, but I don’t find it appropriate to include her in my wedding. My matron of honor is supportive and agrees it would be unwise. However, my remaining family is guilt-tripping me because Iris missed out on two of my sisters’ weddings due to being in a psychiatric facility. She lives with my retired parents now and requires care and supervision. Am I wrong for not wanting to risk including her on my big day? -- FUTURE BRIDE IN KENTUCKY DEAR FUTURE BRIDE: Weddings are family events that can sometimes strain relationships. As with all conflict, communication and compromise are key. Discuss your concerns with your parents, sisters and fiance and consider their opinions and advice. Get assurances of their help to ease your concerns and raise your comfort level. More important, respectfully discuss your feelings and concerns with Iris. Instead of being in the bridal party, she might be happy with a less prominent role while still being part of the celebration. You may not realize how hurt she would be if she’s excluded from this family milestone. Thankfully, you are healthy and stepping into a bright future. It would be wonderful if Iris could share in this joyful occasion. However, include her only if your parents and siblings are willing to guarantee that should her presence become a distraction or disruptive, they will quietly and immediately remove her.
Read moreSeveral years ago, I was asked to speak to several hundred people who openly admitted they dread the holidays. The period between Thanksgiving and Christmas isn’t the favorite for a lot of people. There is escalated alcohol consumption, an increase in domestic violence, more arrests, a rise in the number of suicides. The number of people battling depression also intensifies more during the holidays than any other time of year.
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Honestly guys, how much sense does dodging shadows make? Can shadows themselves inflict harm? Nope, and in the respect of inflicting actual harm, shadows are just like fear. Fear can make you dread and dodge, but fear itself cannot create the physical harm.
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From Decision Made Years Ago
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DEAR ABBY: I have been married for close to a year, and in this short time I’ve seen a side of my wife I’ve never seen before. Although I met her during a period of sobriety, she drinks now. The problem is what she does when she drinks. On one occasion, she was supposed to go to the market and return on foot. Instead I found her in a car with a stranger, drinking and high. She claimed it was too cold to walk and she was just trying to keep warm.
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